God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
