this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I am available for nakedness
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
