Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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