His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize