Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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