I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
