So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
