Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i think i have two assholes
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
