Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
