i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
