i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
