You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
