apparently the secret to your success is patron
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize