I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
