You're my little dorito
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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