Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
