let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You are the jesus of drinking
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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