just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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