i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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