I am midnight drunk by noon
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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