he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize