it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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