Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize