I accidentally burped into my bong.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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