Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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