We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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