I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I love you. Go after that dick
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