onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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