I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
