the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
