It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
