I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
