sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
