i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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