i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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