My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
