Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
you had me at cake vodka
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
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