I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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