covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
