They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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