eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
