I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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