she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
