I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
