The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize