Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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