Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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