I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
