Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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