When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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