Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
