You're so nebulous sometimes
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
