dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
