worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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