Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize