I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
