just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
