Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Damn victory sex feels great
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
