Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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