fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
