Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Soap is not a condiment
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
