Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
