It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
