my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
