oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Non-Jews are for practice
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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