you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
