don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
