Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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