So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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