shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
